Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Top Ten Excus-- er, Reasons Not To Impeach Cheney

As you may know, Congressman (and Presidential candidate) Dennis Kucinich has filed impeachment charges against The Big Dick.

So far as of this writing, absolutely nobody else in Congress has signed onto this resolution. Most of the Democrats are employing the Sergeant Shulz defense ("I hear noooooooothink!") But they won't be able to keep ignoring their constituents forever. Thus, as a public service, we present, below, the top ten reasons for the Democrats in Congress to not impeach.

10) Binding resolutions like this one take away from the important work of passing non-binding resolutions.

9) Mustn't risk alienating the 27% of Democratic voters who don't support impeachment.

8) Would no longer get invited along on Cheney's hunting trips.

7) Don't want to exhaust Congressional supply of clean underpants.

6) Removing Cheney from office would make Bush the President.

5) "I have a choice. I can either stand by and lead my constituents to believe I do not care that the president apparently no longer believes he is bound by any law or code of decency. Or I can act." But acting is, like, difficult and stuff, so I've picked the first choice.

4) Sure, Cheney is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and thousands of American troops, and the loss of hundreds of billions of dollars, but did he ever get a blow job?

3) After six years of being called terrorist enablers and told to go fuck selves, don't want politics to get ugly.

2) Cheney still has the negatives of all those naked pictures of Congress with J. D. Guckert.

1) Cracking down on a Republican administration for lying, cheating, and stealing would limit ability of future Democratic administrations to do likewise.